Failure Is Not An Option In Autism

Hi guys. Don’t worry I am here, super stressed and struggling but alive. These past few months, weeks, days have been extremely stressful particularly with our middle one. His behavior has become so challenging that the most accurate word I could use to describe it is simply unbearable. Older he gets, more acute his autistic symptoms seem to be and with a growing body of an 8 year old boy not matching his mind (His emotional age is perhaps of a three year old) is getting harder and harder to control him.

He needs supervision 24/7 because he gets into mischief very quickly: Plays with the toilet, hits/punches his brothers, screams when things do not go the way he expects them to go, teases everyone endlessly (To the point of physically hurting us while he laughs hysterically) and in public is no different. He does all of that and more.

Some time ago, we went to see a behavioral therapist to see if he could help our middle and youngest son. At first, they were somewhat okay but as the time passed their behavior became wild and uncontrollable.

After we were done with therapy, we decided to go to eat lunch. Unfortunately, our middle one is terrified of flies or any flying insect for that matter. He saw a fly and he just went biserk, literally. Started screaming at the top of his voice, kicking and trying to catch that fly. My husband had to physically restrain him and take him out of the restaurant, the problem is (As always) that when our youngest sees our middle one behaving like that, he does the exact same thing so I had to restrain him myself and hope he would calm down. I took him out, waited a bit and then went inside, packed our food and went back outside. By this point, my husband had to walk with our middle one up and down (Movement helps him) and get a few little items to help him calm down. It took a very, very long time. By this point, we were at the stage of ‘survival mode” and hoping to get home as fast as we could.

We got an indoor bouncy castle to bring a little excitement. In the first few minutes, they seem to enjoy it but after a little while they started fighting and becoming extremely hyper and out of control. How to explain it, it is like trying to fill a glass but there is a hole in the bottom. It doesn’t seem like we”Re able to fill it because no matter how hard we try, nothing seems to make them content and happy. We really do not want to reach the point of using medication for our middle one but is becoming really hard to deal with, we are on our wit’s ends.

Add to the equation that our oldest, even though he is very high-functioning, is going through puberty and struggling terribly to fit in with his peers who do not accept him. The way we raise him, with good values, etc is not considered “Cool” these days and even though it is somewhat normal for children to pick each other a bit, for a child with autism is like the world is about to end, especially if they hear people teasing them on a daily basis.

When I come from work after a very long day, he is usually in a very bad mood and does not know how to express his feelings appropriately so I am usually the target of his wrath and frustration so I try my best to keep him calm and teach him but his biggest challenge is that he does not want to hear what we have to say. So I reach home, and I have to deal with that, then clean the house, do dishes, prepare dinner and by the end of the day, I am so exhausted that I cannot describe it with words.

Waking up in the morning is becoming harder and harder and yes, I try to remain optimistic and positive about life but forgive me if today is not one of those days. We all have them, don’t we?

But just like the saying goes: “You never fail until you stop trying”. We are still trying.

Author: Maria Borde

I am a Mom of 3 wonderful Kings, all on the Autism Spectrum. No, it isn't a typo. As you can imagine, life is never boring around here. View all posts by Maria Borde